We were so happy and I was able to see my face light up when I was moving in. I open my eyes to see us in the first house we got in Dunellen. I remember watching my mom cry because we lost our Uncle the day after my birthday. I remember that as my life flashed before my eyes because it was about to happen to me. Then I remember the day when I awoke in my house to hear my mom crying. Then I was out in the yard, running around in the leaves or just tanning in my backyard, listening to my music. I saw my little sister asleep on the couch. I started running up and down the halls with my little brother like we used to. The house I was in that I knew I would never see again. The room I was forced out of because my dad left us. But then it all went black and I saw myself in a blank room which slowly turned into my old room.
I remember my sisters scream that seemed as if it was in slow motion. I remember seeing the white car coming really fast as I ran out into the street to get the ball for my little sister. The only thing I could hear was someone’s scream and feel someone tapping my face. And before I could even tell them it all went black. I look over to my younger sisters and smile at them.
“Totiana don’t you dare die on me! Just wait a few seconds the ambulance will be here soon.” I shifted my head to look up at the tear frantic face of my friend and then hear the voices of my family surrounding me. Those two things will be what I get back in a few seconds. His smile and voice the two things I miss the most. Last person is my Grandpa the person I lost so many years ago. And seeing how things are going at this moment that will be how I remember her. That heartwarming moment is the number one thing I want to remember her by. The last time she locked me into a hug just to say I love you. There are way too many good times for me to think of at once, but one stands out. All the recent days came back to me and it all flashed as soon as it came. All the memories of almost every day I spent with her flooded my mind. I remember laughing as he inched away from me trying to give him a bone crushing hug. I remember him giving me a half hug or a simple kiss on the forehead at my younger years and then as I get older he would fight away any I gave him. I remember my Poppop always giving me his form of tough love. I remember all the discussions we had together about every single topic no matter how personal. How she would never leave me and no one could ever tear us apart. I remember my Nana holding me reminding me that she’s always there for me. How they would throw snarky comments at each other, but then laugh them all off and kiss to makeup. I love how they used to joke around with each other. The next ones to slip in my mind are my grandparents, all four of them. I remember the way he would attack me with hugs constantly reminding me I’m his baby girl and how he loves me. At that moment I flipped out, but as we got older we grew to laugh about it. I remember telling him I had a pain in my hand and he offered to cut it off for me. I remember all the good moments where he would pick fun at me or even at himself. How him simply saying it would bring a smile to my face. Next person to slip into the darkness is my father. I remember crying on her shoulder and being the one to stop her tears. I remember the way we used to dance to random songs while relaxing in the kitchen. I can hear her laughter from all the times I told her a corny joke. Keeping my head turned I started to drift, allowing the cold of the asphalt calm my heated skin. Turning my head I see scattered glass and motorcycle parts thrown carelessly. I can hear them calling my name constantly, but I can’t see their face. I could hear the faint yelling of a distressed person. “….Hold on okay! Don’t you dare let go yet! Stay with me!” The potential energy of some violent star, light years away, folded anxiously Laughter slingshots into a crystalline blue sky. Last day of school, children spring the length of Gavornick Park, their Sometime before responsibility put its claws in me. Her tongue is swollen and she coughs out theīlink I see my mother's resilient smile somewhere from a driver's seat, With the same peachfuzz we mistook as a sign of hope only weeks earlier. Grandmother's bedside, her face green and gray, her skull shrunken and littered I swallow hard, and feel the dryness in my His kit, backlit by shin-busters on some makeshift stage. The onslaught of sound I see my brother's consistently solemn nod from behind I hear the dull thump of the kick drum before Silence with an impact that could shatter time itself. Of my wife and son, and they fade I hear the sound of a flock of birds taking
I see myself at five, perched atop the bathroom counter, voices calling There's a pulse of light that wipes everything away, a flashĪm left to twist inside myself in these seemingly eternal seconds.
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